Today marks four years since the day my sweet mother in law passed away. The years have felt long... it seems as though it has been a lifetime since we last saw her, since we last heard her voice. But then again, the events of this day, four years ago, are crystal clear, as though they happened just moments ago.

This day four years ago was by far the most horrible day of both Bruce and my life. It was the day that we were forced to grow up, without being ready to do so. We were suddenly faced with grown up tasks... even more grown up than paying a mortgage or caring for our children. I was writing an obituary and Bruce was arranging a funeral. Bruce was trying to hold it all together and be strong for his family. I was figuring out how I was going to feed my 10 month old baby who still nursed exclusively, because the stress and shock had dried up my milk. We were explaining to our 3 year old why we weren't at Disneyland after all, and trying to help her understand why Grandma wasn't around and why everyone could not stop crying. I had to explain that wishing and praying wouldn't bring her back... that all we could ask for was peace and understanding.

And you know what? Being a grown up sucks! For the first 5 years of our marriage, we had just been playing house. Now, we were truly grown ups, facing very grown up things and feeling completely unprepared to handle them.

But we are surviving.

We still break down. The tears don't come as often, but when they do come, they are just as painful as four years ago today. Not even two weeks ago, as Bruce and I put the finishing touches on Man Cub's birthday video, we experienced a break down. It hit us hard that Man Cub had never met his sweet Grandma... at least not in this life. He had never been cuddled by her. He had never felt her kisses on the top of his head. He had never heard the sound of his name from her lips. And oh how she would have adored him!

Four years ago today, our lives fell apart in a big way. We have spent the last four years picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together again. The thing is, our lives will never be the same. But slowly and surely, we are finding a new normal. That normal includes pausing in the hallway to look longingly at the photos of Grandma that hang on the wall. It includes snuggling under the precious quilt made of scraps of her clothing that my father in law gave us for Christmas last year... easily one of the most amazing gifts I have ever received. Our new normal includes sweet conversations with a handful of special people who knew and loved Becky as we do, sharing memories and stories that will be treasured for a lifetime.

For most of the people who knew Becky, today is nothing special. They have already forgotten the significance of October 5th. But for us, it is most certainly a day of heartache. And with that heartache comes the chance to recommit ourselves to living righteous lives that will allow us to be with her forever. Four years without her has been long enough... I will do everything I can to be sure we are worthy to be with her for eternity.

Road Trip 2014 | Week 2

It's hard to believe my first three lengthy road trip posts only cover the first seven days of our 3 week vacation... I'm obviously a little long winded! That, and we crammed a LOT of fun into our visit to Utah.

The second week of our trip was just as eventful as the first. We went to the dinosaur museum at Thanksgiving Point, I finally watched the Veronica Mars movie with my sisters- something I'd been dying to do for months. My grandma came down from Salt Lake for dinner one night and while she was there we had a little henna party. We went up into the mountains where my thin blooded, desert dwelling children should have turned into little popsicles as they played in the ice cold Provo river after eating our picnic dinner.

We went to the zoo again, this time on a day that Tressie was working and we got to see her help out with the bird show. My nephew Bodhi was chosen to be a part of the bird show... he got to help "train" the birds. It was super cute to watch.

Sunshine and I spent the 4th of July in Salt Lake with Tressie, attending Fantasy Con. Super nerdy but oh-so fun. We had a blast. Tressie had gotten free tickets through work so we figured we had nothing to lose other than a few hours of our time. But we didn't even lose that! It was a fun experience and definitely something Sunshine will remember in the years to come. Especially since we followed it up with lunch at our absolute favourite Mexican restaurant ever.

Our friend Steve joined us, in costume and everything. We saw a lot of cool booths including one with an awesome bat mask that I still wish I had bought... how cool would it be to do laundry in that beauty!? I think household chores would be much more exciting. We watched an awesome silk dancing performance and saw lots of fun people in costume. I about died when Hook from Once Upon a Time came walking towards me... as he got closer I realized it was just a guy in costume but it was quite the convincing costume! 

 

We rounded out our week with some outdoor fun. The kiddos played on the slip and slide, ate popsicles and did sparklers and fireworks. I continued to train for my half marathon and my mum introduced me to a new British food store in their area where I was finally able to get a bag of Walkers crisps for the first time in years. And that happy day- the day I had Walkers cheese and onion crisps and a galaxy bar for lunch, ended the second week of our summer road trip. Two weeks down, one to go!

 

Road Trip 2014 | Whirlwind Weekend In Idaho

The first weekend of our visit to Utah was actually spent in Twin Falls, Idaho. My youngest sister, Tressie, wanted to go to Twin Falls to hear her college roommate's mission farewell talk. The wee ones and I are always up for an adventure so we said we'd tag along. I mentioned this trip to my best friend KJ and plans started to formulate. KJ and her crew are about 9 hours away from Twin Falls, which sounds like a lot, but we are typically 22 hours away from each other. And that is assuming that traffic is good and no one has to go potty. 9 hours felt so darn close that we had to take advantage of the opportunity to get our kiddos together. So, KJ, her husband and their 4 little boys loaded up and headed east as we headed north and we met in Twin Falls.

KJ and I have been lucky enough to see each other almost yearly for the past few years, but our children had only met once before... and that was back when we each only had two children and Beebs was 4 months old. None of them really remember meeting. This time, we created some solid memories that my girls and most of KJ's boys should remember for years to come!

We started by meeting up at the Twin Falls temple as it was an easy meeting spot. The wee ones all touched their first temple and we came up with a game plan for the afternoon. We started with a quick Costco run to buy the fixings for dinner then headed to the "Niagara of the West", also known as Shoshone Falls. After viewing the falls, we found a fun lake where we ate and played in the water. It was my girls first experience swimming in a lake (naturally occurring bodies of water are a rare and exciting thing for us desert dwellers!) and they L-O-V-E-D it. After the lake, my parents headed to our hotel room with my little ones and KJ's husband took their little men to do some exploring so KJ and I could go to the Twin Falls temple together. Heaven I tell you. There are few things in the world more peaceful than sitting in the temple with your best friend. Really, the only thing that tops it is sitting in the temple with your spouse. It was so good to just relax and feel the spirit together.

 

After the temple, KJ and I parted ways for the night. I crashed hard once I got back to the hotel. It had been a pretty exciting day after all!

The next morning, the wee ones and I attended the farewell with Tressie and my parents. It was by far one of the most incredible Sacrament meetings I have ever attended. Kenya (Tressie's roommate) did a fantastic job on her talk, and the other speaker was amazing as well. Kenya's talk has given us a new family gem that my children will eventually get sick of hearing- "happy, happy, sad, sad". It's a quick and easy reminder that happy (good) choices will ultimately lead to happy consequences and sad or bad choices ultimately bring about sad consequences.

After the farewell, we had lunch with Kenya's family, then the wee ones and I headed to a nearby park to spend a little more time with KJ and fam. The park was a lot of fun. The children had a blast on the cool horsey swings and carousel. Then KJ's husband set up their slackline and all the little ones took turns walking along it while KJ and I did our best to enjoy each other's company. (Difficult task with 7 little ones running in every direction, but I absolutely loved that our children had the chance to grow their friendships that afternoon)

We put off parting ways as long as we could, but eventually it was time for KJ and Sean to head home and for the wee ones and I to pick up my parents and Tressie and head back to Utah. We snapped one last picture of KJ and I with all the children then said our goodbyes. It was far too short a visit, but oh how I love that our children were able to meet and play and get to know each other. Beebs often asks about "KJ's little boy with the red hair" and both girls ask when we get to see their new friends again. Unfortunately, it will be awhile before this sort of meet up happens again... KJ and Sean just received word that Sean has been accepted into the University of Hawaii's pharmacy program, so they are heading across the ocean in a few months time. It will probably be many years before all of our children have the chance to be together again, so I am extra grateful that we were able to pull off this whirlwind weekend in Idaho.

Happy 2nd Birthday, Man Cub!

 Sweet Man Cub,

Today you are 2. You have changed so much over the past year... I feel like so much growth occurs between 1 and 2. It is a bittersweet time for me. I love watching you become you- developing an opinion, determining your likes and dislikes, but oh how my heart aches for the days when I was your everything.

These days, it is all about Dad. You seem to recognize that the two of you need to stick together as the men of the household. When Dad isn't around, you still need me to help you get a snack or find you a toy. But if Dad is around, I am chopped liver, at best. I miss you wanting me over anyone, but it has been so much fun to watch you become Daddy's little shadow. You want to be like him in every way. I especially love watching you mimic him as he gets ready for the day. It is not unusual for me to find you in the master bathroom, getting into Daddy's drawer. You'll pull out his deodorant and attempt to put it on. Then you grab his electric razor and hold it to your cheek. You grin at me, as if to say "See! I can do it too! I'm just like Daddy". I hope you want to be like your Daddy for the rest of your life. He is a good man- a wonderful husband and loving father, a hard worker and a faithful Priesthood holder. You could not have better ambitions in life than wanting to be like him.

You are such an active little boy. From the time you get up until the time you go to bed, you want to play. And you tell me that with enthusiasm! "Play! Play! Play!" You cry when we pull you away from your toys, especially your collection of Disney Cars. You also love planes and trains, but if the opportunity comes to go outside, you drop everything and run. You love to climb on the playground and go down the slide. You love digging in the dirt and soaking yourself with the hose. You are busy, all. the. time. But when you crash, you crash hard! You sleep a solid 12 hours each night with a good 2 hour nap each day. You rest well so you can play hard. You need every drop of energy you can find.

You are also eating us out of house and home already. I have heard the stories of teenage boys... if your appetite now is any indicator of what is to come, we are in big trouble. You love food and you can pack away a lot of it. Once again, this comes from how hard you play. You've got to fuel the little tornado that is Man Cub!

You love your big sisters... they mean the world to you. You recently came up with your own special name for Sunshine. You call her Yaya and she absolutely loves it. When we drop her off for school in the morning, you wave until the school is no longer in sight, saying "Bye Yaya! Bye Yaya!". And your excitement when she comes home each afternoon just makes her day. You and Beebs have an interesting relationship... you fight like cats and dogs, you are partners in all sorts of mischief and she is the one you cry for when I put you down for your nap each day. It breaks my heart to hear you call for her from your bedroom. You love that girl, even if she does try to take your toys!

You are such a sweet boy and we are so blessed to have you in our family. We love your cheesy grin and your squishy hugs. We love to play with you and chase you around (unless we are chasing you because it is time to leave the house and you are refusing to come with us!). We love your excitement for life. We love you, Man Cub, and we are so glad you are ours.

Enjoy being 2, little man!
Love Always,
Mommy & Daddy

Touch The Temple

In June, I was in charge of teaching Sharing Time, and the theme for the month was "Priesthood Ordinances and Temple Work Bless My Family". It was such a fun month to teach and one of the weeks, I felt impressed to share a talk I had recently read by President Monson called "Blessings of the Temple". In the talk, President Monson shared the story of a man who took his granddaughter on a special birthday date, but instead of taking her to the zoo or the movies, he took her to the temple where he had her touch the walls and the doors of the temple. President Monson said "She had touched the temple, and the temple had touched her. As we touch the temple and love the temple, our lives will reflect our faith. As we go to the holy house, as we remember the covenants we make therein, we will be able to bear every trial and overcome each temptation. The temple provides purpose for our lives. It brings peace to our souls—not the peace provided by men but the peace promised by the Son of God when He said, “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”"

At the end of the lesson, I challenged our Primary children to find a time to touch a temple over the summer and then to tell me about it, and many of them have. The girls and I, knowing that we were heading to Utah where temples are everywhere to be found, made a personal goal to touch five temples on our trip. Surprisingly, this turned out to be much more difficult than I had imagined! Several of the temples we stopped by were closed for cleaning, meaning the gates were locked and we were unable to get close enough to touch them. But we still managed to accomplish our goal (though we did have to touch three temples on our drive home to make it happen!)

We started by touching the Twin Falls, Idaho with my best friend KJ and her family. (An entire post about that awesome visit coming soon!)

We then tried to touch the Provo temple (closed!), the Brigham City temple (closed!) and the Salt Lake temple (closed!). We also wanted to touch the Payson temple, but it wasn't completed yet, making that a no go as well.

Towards the end of our trip we made it to the Logan temple and were very excited to finally find a temple with open grounds. We were able to get up to the temple so the wee ones could touch it and admire the beautiful stone and the gorgeous flowers. I could not get enough of the breathtaking view of Cache Valley. Cache Valley might just be my dream home location.

On our drive home from Provo, we managed to touch our final three temples. It was the first day the Provo temple was opened after it's yearly cleaning, so we stopped there first, on our way out of town. Then we hit St George and Las Vegas. Bruce wasn't too keen on that final stop as he was anxious to get home, but I convinced him we needed to do it and the girls were beyond ecstatic when we pulled up and they realized where we were. Even Man Cub had caught on to what we were doing and said "temple", then ran up to touch it's doors.

We are all loving this new tradition of "collecting" temples and we are excited to add several new temples to our list in the coming months. Touching the temple is helping our children to recognize the importance of these sacred buildings, especially when we go out of our way to visit them. They feel the Spirit  as they touch the walls and they are excited to seek out other temples to touch. Touching the temple is certainly touching our lives, and this is only the beginning!